Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
