glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
