Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
