I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
