Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
