You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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