pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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