i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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