I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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