last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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