bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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