There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
