My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
