well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
