...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize