Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
