i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
