kristin has been a bad kristin
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
