i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think I died a long time ago.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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