So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
