Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You need Xanax blowdarts
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize