Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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