Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
