chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
