fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Say something about gay babies.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
