I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
