i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize