I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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