Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
