i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize