i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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