Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
