Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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