Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
