So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
