no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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