True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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