do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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