haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
