I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize