It's like God shit irony all over that family
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
