I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
