12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
