Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
