just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
