sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
