Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i have two assholes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize