Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
