I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
