Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
