Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
