Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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