She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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