my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
