I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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