I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
