I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
