I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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