I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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