you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
