They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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