Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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