He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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