Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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