Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
