I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
