ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
